I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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