i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize