She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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