heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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