The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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