you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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