And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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