this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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