Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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