Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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