I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
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Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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