My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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