you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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