I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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