Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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