You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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