went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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