i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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