She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize