That's when you crack a 10am beer
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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