Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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