Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I smell stomach acid.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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