allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize