My first STD was from a foam party
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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