dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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