DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize