The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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