Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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