her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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