Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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