If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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