My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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