I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize