video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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