the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
