i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Drake has all the answers
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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