Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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