you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize