All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize