I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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