just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
