You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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