As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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