the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
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I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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