I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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