You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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