if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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