OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
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I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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