You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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