Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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