i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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