I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
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She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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