I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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